


The Monster Beneath

by LadyLuck22



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms
Genre: British Female Character, Daddy Kink, Dominance, F/M, Love Triangles, Manipulation, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Post-All Out War Arc (Walking Dead)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-06-17 16:17:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15465282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLuck22/pseuds/LadyLuck22
Summary: Lily moved into Alexandria after the great war between Negan and Rick Grimes. She has no idea what the man in the cell beneath her is capable of but there is something about him that she is drawn to.





	1. Wrapped in Wire

"Hey Lil, don't go out too far now, they think there will be a storm tonight." Rick stated, wrapping his arms around the young woman and pulling her to his side. 

"Yeah, you can feel the pressure changing, I just wanted to take Cinnamon out.", Rick paused for a moment to think and then looked back down at Lily, he sighed and kissed her softly on the head. 

"Alright, just be safe and get back before the sun starts to go down.", Lily's smile widened as she kissed Rick on the cheek and ran off to the stables. 

"If I see anything good I'll grab it!", she cried out but Rick wasn't having it. 

"No scavenging without someone, you know the rules!", but she just smiled and continued on her way. Rick had been like a father to her since she joined Alexandria almost six months ago, she knew he used to have a son but didn't really like talking about him too much. There was also little Judith, a small girl who was already growing up to be a badass. They lived happily together with Ricks partner Michonne and for the first time since the apocalypse Lily was actually happy. 

As she made her way to the stables she saw Daryl fixing up his bike, it was one of the very few vehicles they still had running, most car fuel had gone by now but bike fuel was in much lower demand so they were able to stock up. 

"Hey Daryl!", She said brightly giving him a huge smile, he returned the favour. 

"Hey, where you going?", he stood up and stepped closer to her making her blush slightly, she lowered her eyes to the ground. 

"Oh you know, giving Cinnamon a bit of exercise before the predicted storm. Everyone is dreading it but I love how the rain feels on my skin, reminds me of home.", Daryl's smile faltered, Lily had been on an exchange programme with her university at the time of the breakout, she had no idea how her family or friends were doing in the UK. 

"Well, this is your home now." Daryl stated briskly and Lily frowned, she had to keep remembering that, she would never be able to go back home. 

"Yeah, sorry, the heat is getting to me." She coughed, "Anyway I'm off.", Daryl nodded as she saddled up Cinnamon and jumped up on him. 

"Stay clear of any walkers." Daryl ordered as he petted Cinnamons neck. 

"I can handle myself." She laughed but Daryl's face didn’t respond with such amusement. 

"Just please Lily, do it." 

*** 

Lily just couldn't understand it. It was almost as if Rick and Daryl thought she hadn't spent the last three years surviving this walker-ridden world alone. Sure, she had been slowly moving from farm house to farm house but it was a lot better than any of the others had fared. She kept away from big groups and had no more than five people living with her at a time, they never stayed around long. She found that most people died because of three factors 

1\. They died of stupidity, acting out brashly and not thinking about the situation they were in. 

2\. They died of fear, being too scared to move or even kill if they had to. 

3\. They died because of love, trying to save someone when it's too late or refusing to move because the person they loved didn't want to. 

She had seen men and women die because of all of these reasons and refused to fall into any of the categories. Lily had always been smart and analytical throughout her life so acting rationally was second nature to her and she had no one she loved to care about and pull her back. She couldn't lie though, sometimes she was afraid, she never would have thought she was capable of killing anyone before this all happened. She was soft and sensitive, hating arguments and confrontation, the outbreak brought out a dark side in her that she tried to keep to a minimum. 

As she flew through the woodland on Cinnamons back she felt freedom once more, she never minded the stability that Alexandria gave her, she craved it even, but she discovered so much about herself and the power she had when she was alone that the idea of her being seen as vulnerable and fragile was foreign. 

Lily stopped by a small lake that was roughly thirty minutes away from her camp and climbed off her horse. She liked to come here when she wanted some time to herself, it was her small haven and the trickling water from the small waterfall on the other side would often relax her in even her most stressed moments. This was where she stayed for two weeks before stumbling upon Alexandria and not once had she seen violence or walkers. She had never felt so safe in a long time and knew when she found their community that it would be the best place for her. 

It was but it wasn't always like that. Lily knew the stories of the Sanctuary and the Saviours. She knew about Negan and that he resided in a cell underground like the monster he was. Lily had never seen him but he sounded like the Devil, well if one even existed. They still had struggle and revolts in other camps that liked him as their ruler but everyone agreed it was a much safer place. Still, Lily was intrigued by the man in the cell, Rick would never let her down there to see him though even if he did once a month. 

After lying there daydreaming for a couple of hours Lily made her way back to her quiet small life in Alexandria. 

*** 

"Ugh this damn thing won't budge!" Daryl growled as his bike refused to move for the third time today. "Lil can you go in Rick's store room and try and find me some tools, should be in like a big wooden box." 

"Sure, thing boss!" Lily exclaimed with a salute and jumped from the low brick fence. Lily couldn't remember ever going in Ricks store room before, he didn’t really want her snooping around and Lily wasn't rude enough to go against his wishes but Daryl did have a mission for her and no matter how mundane it was it gave her something to do. 

She opened the door to their house and went down the stairs to the basement underneath. It was dark and the lightbulb refused to work so she bought a candle with her. She slowly looked around trying to find the big wooden box with tools inside but found other things: an old camera, photographs, books, weapons and a walkie talkie. The place creeped her out a little bit, there was probably a family of giant spiders. Yes, even though she was used to killing walkers she was still afraid of spiders. Lily thought she was about to give up when she looked in the back corner of the room and behind a row of shelves she found the box! 

"Finally!", she sighed and began to pull it out until she heard the bang of something large falling on the floor, it must have been leaning on the box behind it. She wiped the dust out of her eyes and lifted the candle closer to examine what had fallen. 

It was a baseball bat. One that had been wrapped tightly with barbed wire. Intrigued, Lily went to pick it up and looked at it more closely. There had been a lot of damage to it, there was a bullet hole and fragments of it falling off but other than that it was in pretty good condition. She moved it around a bit feeling its weight in her hands and decided she liked it. She had never played baseball in her life but decided she wished that she had. She placed the candle down on the table near her and began to swing it with conviction, she could imagine using it as a weapon, feeling the satisfaction if it went through a walker's head. She even found herself smiling and laughing. When she had stopped she looked down at the bat and placed it back, she would have to ask Rick about it to see if he would let her use it on a scavenger hunt. She then picked up the box in one arm and left the room, her eyes not straying from the baseball bat leaning against the wall.


	2. Let's meet the man!

As Lily handed the tool-box to Daryl she wanted desperately to find out about the baseball bat in the basement. But Daryl was too busy to even hear what she had to say. 

"Listen Lil, I'm busy right now, can't chat. Need to fix this bike before our trip tomorrow.", Lily frowned and sat down next to him. 

"Oh? Where are you going?", she said softly forgetting about the baseball bat. Rick had never told her they were going away on a mission. 

"We're gonna be away for a few days, maybe a week, check up on all the communities and maybe scavenge along the way. There have been a few towns on the maps that we've missed.", Lily was shocked, it was a long trip. Rick never usually did that sort of travelling before because he usually stayed in Alexandria. Something must be wrong. However, this did seem like a good opportunity to leave the community. 

"Oh cool. Can I come along?", but Daryl just shook his head. 

"Rick wants you to stay here where you're safe." 

"But what about Maggie? I haven't seen her in ages! Hershel must be crawling by now!" 

"I said no!" Daryl shouted. Everything stopped and Lily could feel everyone's eyes on her. She looked around, red in the face, feeling incredibly embarrassed. After a few moments she walked off to find Rick hoping he would see some sense. 

*** 

"Then he just shouted at me in front of everyone!" She ranted, pacing back and forth in front of Rick and Michonne. "Am I the only one that thinks he is being unreasonable?", Michonne leaned forward to grab her hand. 

"He's not being unreasonable he just cares about you. You know how rough Daryl can be.", Lily sighed and slumped between both of them. 

"I know he has always been like that to other people...but me? I thought we were super close. Have I done something wrong?", Rick grumbled slightly and straightened up. He clearly had something to say but didn't want to say it. 

"I think it’s the opposite. Daryl has had a difficult time with relationships both before and after the outbreak. Many of his closest friends have died just as he began opening up. But he does care about you a lot." 

"Probably more than you think." Michonne added and Rick looked at her gently. Lily glanced at both of them and laughed. 

"Wait you think Daryl likes me? Like likes me likes me?" Rick sighed and looks up at the ceiling. 

"I have seen the way he looks at you..." Michonne replies and that was all Lily needed to hear. 

"Oh...what should I do?", she asked softly, unsure about her own feelings. 

"Well do you like him back?" 

"I guess, I mean he has always been there but I never saw him that way before. Wouldn't it be a bit weird...like dating my dad's best friend?", there was a moment of silence before all three burst out into laughter. 

"Yeah it is a bit weird but Daryl is a good man, I trust him with my life. If you were to pursue something I know you would be in good hands.", Lily smiled and gave Rick a hug. It was the first bit of freedom she was allowed but then her smile faltered, was it really freedom? She decided to change the subject. 

"Is everything alright with the other communities? You never usually leave." Rick sighed and took a sip of whiskey. 

"Honestly, it's not, there are many people unhappy with the arrangement, always wanting more and more. Tensions are rising and fights have broken out. More so than usual. I need to find a way of making everyone happy but I have a feeling it will be impossible.", Michonne's hand went around the sofa to stroke Ricks shoulder. 

"We will find a way. We always do." 

*** 

The day that Rick and Daryl were to head off on their trip had arrived at last. They were taking twenty of their best fighters which meant that they expected trouble on the road. As Lily walked past the kitchens to say goodbye she was greeted by Rosie, one of the top cooks in Alexandria. 

"Sweetie could you do a favour for me?", Lily smiled, she always loved Rosie. She seemed to be the only person in this town who didn’t think she was fragile. She also had the driest sense of humour on the planet. 

"Of course,", Rosie gave her a tray with porridge and an apple with water. Unusual dish for someone in Alexandria. Quite boring and plain. 

"I am stuck with loads of work to do before Rick heads out, they need a lot of food on the trip." Lily nodded, "I need you to take this down to the prison cells and drop it down to you know who.", Lilys eyebrow rose, unsure of who she was on about, Rosie sighed, "You know, Negan!" 

"Oh!" 

"Just pop in and out, don’t worry he won't harm ya, won't even talk to ya.", Lily bit her lip in worry. 

"Rick said I'm not meant to go near there." 

"Well I mean if you're really not up to it then I will do it later.", Lily gritted her teeth, obviously she was up to it, it's just Rick wasn't! But that wouldn't stop her. 

"No, it's fine, I have got this!" Rosie smiled and walked back into the kitchen, leaving Lily to make her way to the cells. 

*** 

The cells were only really in use because of Negan, they also made a great deterrent for people committing crimes. No one wanted to be in the same room as that man. She walked up to the building where a guard was waiting on duty. 

"Umm I have food for Negan.", the guard grunted and gave her the keys to open the latch door for his food. He then opened the door to the cells and allowed her to walk in on her own. As she made her way down the stairs she noticed just how cold and damp this cell was, she would have nightmares being in a place like this. She walked up to the door with the N drawn on it and knelt down to unlock the latch. 

"Now I know that isn't Rosie...", Lily jumped at the deep voice, dropping the tray, luckily only a few drops of water were spilled. 

"Shit." Lily exclaimed quietly and she was offered in return a dirty laugh. Each time he laughed she felt goosebumps all up and down her shoulders. This man was dangerous. 

"Ahh don't worry about it darling, the dirt might give the stuff some flavour.", Lily coughed to clear her throat and managed to unlock the door, her heart beating incredibly fast. "So are you new?", Lily realised she did a stupid thing the moment she replied. 

"No, how did you know I wasn't Rosie?", He chuckled again, this one was a lot deeper and darker. Like he just found out her deepest and darkest secrets. 

"Her feet are huge and she stomps around like a bull. I could barely hear yours sweetheart.", Lily felt her face begin to redden unconsciously and shook herself to get him out of her head. "Did she die?" 

"No she will be back tonight.", she replied more to herself than to him. She realised she still hadn't opened the door. 

"So why are you bringing me my food?" 

"She's busy" 

"Oh...I hope she is even busier in the future.", Lily faltered and there was silence. "So what have you brought me? I'm starving." She shook herself out of the trance and opened the latch to push the food inside when all of a sudden she felt his hand grab her. Gripped by fear she found she couldn't even cry for help. But he didn't attack her, didn't bite her, he just stroked her hand softly. 

"You have smooth hands, I'm guessing you don't work outside." 

"Please let me go", she asked softly but he just chuckled to himself. 

"I don't know sweetheart I do love hearing you beg..." 

"I'll tell Rick you hurt me!" 

"Oh yeah? Like he really cares about you!" But there was silence when there should have been despair. "Oh wow, maybe he does care. I'm sorry little one, I'll let you go in a moment, its just nice to have some human contact you know.", her eyes glanced down to the ground, forgetting that her hand was in Ricks worst enemys. 

"I know.", there was a long period of silence as Negan continued to caress Lilys hand, she felt herself enjoying his touch but then he broke the spell. 

"I have really enjoyed this interaction doll but I have to say that guard is gonna come storming in soon if we don't get this show on the road. Just tell him you had some trouble with the lock.", and with that he released her hand gently. Lily quickly drew it back and held it to her chest, only now realising what had happened. She then locked the door back up and stood to get away as soon as possible. 

"Oh and sweetheart", Lily paused and turned back around to the door, "Come back soon." 

As she climbed up the stairs she was met with the guard that kept watch on the gate. He seemed incredibly annoyed at her. 

"I was about to go down there any minute! What took you so damn long?", then without thinking she replied. 

"Sorry the locks weren't really working that well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they finally meet!


	3. Just a Man?

Lily couldn’t believe that she had lied to the guard for that man, she had no idea what she was doing it just came out of her mouth as if it were a reflex. All of a sudden, she felt paranoid, as if she had done something wrong by talking to Negan and was going to get caught by Rick. Oh God, Rick could not find out. She had to tell someone though and so headed back to the kitchens to talk with Rosie a few hours after she said goodbye to Rick and Darryl. She should have felt sad that these two men were leaving for a week but all she thought of was Negan, it made her sick to her stomach. 

Rosie however was in the kitchen cutting up some potatoes for a stew she used to make when food was being rationed. It wasn’t the best stew in the world but it was food, which mattered more than the taste in this day and age. Lily walked into the kitchen slowly and leaned on one of the counters. Rosie looked her up and down before cutting up more potatoes. 

“What did you do?”, Lily jumped at the accusation, she was definitely paranoid. 

“What makes you say that?”, Lily questioned back, her voice slightly higher than usual. Rosie chuckled to herself, it was obvious she was hiding something. 

“You have the look my own child used to do when she had stolen food from the kitchen, however I have stock checked the kitchen since you left so I know that’s not it.”, Lily kicked the floor beneath her and lifted herself up onto the counter to sit down. 

“It’s about Negan.”, all of a sudden Rosie stopped cutting potatoes and turned around. She then looked to the kitchen door and shut it so they were all alone. 

“Did he say anything to you? What happened?”, Lily kept her eyes to the floor. 

“He knew it wasn’t you and so tried to talk to me and for some reason I started talking back. I know I shouldn’t of but I couldn't help it. Then he grabbed my hand.” Rosie rushed over to Lily to make sure she was okay but Lily calmed her, “He didn’t hurt me, but that's just the thing, it seemed so sad how he just craved human contact.”, Rosie nodded solemnly. 

“I used to live at the Sanctuary you know...”, Lily lifted her head in shock. 

“But I thought none of them were allowed to live here.”, Rosie smiled half-heartedly. 

“I may have said to Michonne that I was recently taken from my own community because I was the best chef there and was waiting to be saved from the evil Negan...”, Lily paused for a second. 

“Why did you lie?”, Rosie chuckled to herself. 

“You really think I want to live in the shitty community Rick fashioned up for the Saviours? Hell no! Before Negan the Saviours were just a bunch of thugs. There were no rules and the strongest could do whatever they wanted. Negan may have been a monster but he kept people in line. I would rather live in a community with him than without him. If I didn’t lie who knows what would have happened to me? I don’t want to think it because I have a job and a roof over my head.”, Neither of them said anything for a while but then Lily looked up and smiled. 

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”, Rosie smiled back and gave Lily a hug. “I didn’t tell the guard that Negan grabbed me...I told him that the locks weren’t working properly. Is that a bad thing?” 

“Well there is obviously a reason why you lied.”, Lily nodded but she didn't want to say it out loud. “You want to talk to him again, don’t you?”, Lily quickly looked up and shook her head, panic filled her. “Look don’t worry. I get it.” Rosie placed her hand on her arm and Lily calmed down. “He’s a man surrounded in mystery for you, everyone says he is this evil monster but he is a gentleman to you. You feel sorry for him and believe you can help him or at least understand him.” 

“What do you think?” 

“I think he is a man. Good and Evil have always been subjective, now more than ever. Rick can be just as cruel as Negan and Negan can be just as moral as Rick. Hell, I'm sure if they were together at the start of this mess they would have been best buddies. If you want to keep talking to him than I will be willing to give you a job in the kitchen that can make it so you aren't sneaking around. Who knows? You may even save his soul.”, Lily smiled and jumped up to give Rosie a massive hug. 

“I would like that.” 

*** 

“Now either you were forced to come back here or you actually want to see me again! Either way I am a very happy man!”, Negan exclaimed as Lily got closer to his cell door. 

“It was my training.”, Lily replied with a smile and she could swear she heard him smiling too. 

“Well I am flattered that my reputation didn’t scare you away.” 

“What reputation?” Lily jested and she heard a deep throaty laugh that send shivers down her spine. 

“Look at you being all fucking cute.”, Lily laughed softly as she put the key in the bottom compartment. “Now isn’t that just a beautiful noise.”, Lily then paused before opening the compartment. 

“You aren’t going to grab me again are you?” 

“Shit Darl, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I will now only hold your hand with your permission.”, Lily smiled to herself and opened the little door to give him his stew. 

“Rosie told me she used to work in the Sanctuary.”, Negan chuckled to himself as he slurped up his stew. 

“Yeah she did. Surprised she told you that. Am I starting up a fan-club in the kitchens?”, Lily laughed again softly. 

“No, I told her what happened earlier and we had a chat.” 

“What did she say?”, with that Lily reached her hand into the little door and immediately felt it wrapped up in a much larger hand. 

“That you’re a man and not as evil as people say you are.”, she felt his thumb stroke her palm and sighed softly, trying not to make a sound. 

“Well shit sweetheart. I think that’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a while.”, there was a slight pause. 

“Aren’t you lonely being trapped here, how have you stayed sane?”, he chuckled. 

“Not lonely anymore.”, with that Lily smiled widely and pulled her hand away from his grasp to lock the little door once more. “Hey, before you go, at least tell me your name.” 

“It’s Lily.”, there was silence as she locked the little door and stood up. 

“Now isn’t that a beautiful name. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, Lily.”, She blushed as he said her name, rolled off his tongue perfectly and sent shivers down her spine. Without another word she quickly slipped upstairs hoping that tomorrow would come swiftly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the main reasons I wanted to call the main character Lily was because it had similar sounds to Lucille, not that she is going to be a Negan substitute for Lucille but there will be conflict with that old relationship!


	4. To be Continued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a few excerpts of their conversations over a few days!

“So, what did you used to do before this all happened?”, Lily asked as she took a bite from an apple, she was sat leaning against the cell as she waited for him to finish his food. She had managed to convince the guard that it would be easier for the cooks if they waited till Negan finished eating before leaving as he wouldn't be left with any objects to harm anyone else with. This gave her some more time to talk to him. 

“Hmm...Guess.” He replied, he enjoyed playing these little games with her. 

“I don’t know, a soldier?”, Negan barked in laughter which told Lily she had got it wrong. 

“Nowhere close sweetheart, I was a gym coach at a high school.”, this time Lily burst out laughing, she couldn’t imagine such a scary man in tight gym shorts with a whistle around his neck. “Hey don’t laugh, I was pretty good at it too!” 

“I just didn’t expect it that’s all! Do you ever think about your students? If they were alive?”, there was a pause. 

“Sometimes a name or face pops up every now and then but if I spent my life constantly worrying about whether the people I knew before were dead I would drive myself insane.”, Lily sighed in agreement and nodded to herself. 

“I used to think about my family back home all the time when I was alone and now I hardly do. It feels like betrayal almost, I know my parents would never forget me.” 

“Yeah, I’m afraid you're a long way from home sweetheart.”, suddenly Lily felt a tear slide down from her eye and she wiped it away quickly though she accidently let out a small sniff. “Fuck Darling, I’m sorry, I never meant to make you feel all shitty.”, Lily smiled to herself. 

“No, you didn’t, you are just easy to talk to. Anytime I try with Rick he just shuts me down and says ‘But you are home’, I know he is right but I wish he listened more.”, with that Negan grabbed her hand. 

“You can always turn to me Darl.” 

*** 

“...and so, I found myself camping by a small lake only a few miles from Alexandria and bumped right into Darryl while he was out hunting! And that's the story of how I got here!”, Lily recalled and finally was able to catch her breath, she heard Negan chuckle slightly. 

“Wow that is some story sweetheart. I got to hand it to ya, you’re resourceful.”, Lily felt a little proud and pushed her chest out at the compliment. 

“Yeah, though most of the time I had no idea where I was going!”, Negan laughed and then there was a pause. 

“Damn if only we had met before this all happened. I can imagine it now.”, Lily laughed. 

“Yeah you would take one look at me and be like nah, not today.”, Negan laughed with her. 

“No, I’m serious, you would have seen me in my prime, might be a bit more impressive than just being in a cell.”, Lily smiled. 

“But then we wouldn’t be here now, we would probably be separated and I would be forced into another community to stay away from you.”, Negan sighed. 

“Yep, the stupidest idea anyone ever heard of.”, Lilys smile faded as she repositioned herself to get more comfortable. 

“Why?” 

“I bought order and stability to the Sanctuary, I bet Rick is having a really hard time keeping them in line.”, Lily nodded to herself. 

“Yeah, he is...”, there was a long pause. Shit, Lily though, she shouldn’t have said that. “Anyway, I best be going, see you later!”, She jumped up quickly and went to leave the cell. 

“To be continued.”, he promised. 

*** 

“So why didn’t you go with Daddy Rick on his little mission?”, Lily sighed, Negan would now not stop talking about Rick being gone. 

“He doesn’t really like me doing anything, hardly lets me go out of the compound.”, there was a pause. 

“Why? You got some condition or something?” 

“Nope! Nothing, he just doesn’t like the idea of me getting hurt even though I was living on my own for basically two years.”, Negan sighed softly and it made Lily feel like he was a counsellor, it made her squirm slightly. 

“Sounds to me like he’s trying to stop anything happening to you, probably feels like the whole Carl shit was his fault...” 

“He never talks about Carl...” 

“It's hard to when it brings back memories but Carl was a pretty cool kid though he tried to kill me! Proper little serial killer in the making. He looked like one too with his one eye missing! I was sad when Rick told me he died, though Rick would probably never believe that.”, this time he reached his hand out to Lily and she finally got a glimpse of his hands, they were still strong and rough, he must be working out in his cell. 

“So, he's trying to replace Carl with me?”, she asked, softly taking his hand to rub it gently as she manoeuvred herself to resting her head on the cell door. 

“Maybe, can’t be sure, I mean you seem like very different people.” 

*** 

“I live for these moments with you my dear...”, Negan stated as he heard her walk back towards his cell. 

“You only say that because you’re in a cell!”, Negan laughed as she opened the latch to his door to give him his meal. 

“Oh no Darlin, It’s not that at all.” The seriousness in his voice threw her off balance and she found herself blushing again. He hadn’t flirted with her for a while and it made her feel uneasy. 

“So, um, is there anyone you’re missing? Any friends from the Sanctuary or a girlfriend?”, Negan chuckled and she immediately felt herself go redder, that was a stupid question. 

“Nope. What about you? Any boyfriends?” 

“No, I had one back home but I’ll never see him again.”, Negan sighed in satisfaction. 

“Good Girl.”, there was a long pause, she felt shivers run through her body. This was bad, she needed to move on from the conversation. 

“Umm...Rick should be back any day now so it may be a bit harder to see you.”, he groaned in annoyance but it just made her melt a little more. 

“So, what you're saying is your gonna be sneaking around behind Papa Ricks back to meet a much older man? I don’t know it sounds kind of fun yet dangerous...”, Lily groaned in frustration. 

“It’s not like that!” 

“Of course, it’s not.”, Lily could detect the sarcasm a mile off, it was after all the native humour of her home country. 

“It’s easy for you to say! You’re locked in a cell!” 

“Darling, it would be a lot harder if I was out the cell, trust me.”, the innuendo wasn’t lost on her and she groaned, slamming the cell door and leaving to go up the stairs. “Oh, before you go...” Lily paused on her way up the stairs. “Rick used to have one of those polaroid cameras somewhere, I want you to take a picture of yourself for me and bring it tomorrow.”, Lily paused for a moment. She then continued up the stairs without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best chapter but its quite hard to write when they cant see each other!


	5. Kamikaze

Lily found herself rooting through Ricks drawers by his bed trying to find the camera was talking about until she eventually gave up and stopped. She groaned as she leant back on the bed. There was something so wrong about this whole scenario. If anyone knew what she was trying to do then they would call her crazy and have her under lock and key. Lily needed to do this though, before Rick came back because she may never be able to see Negan again. Lily paused for a moment, would giving a picture of herself to Negan be a transference of power? It certainly seemed like it. It felt almost the same as sending a nude to someone. The suspicion, the fear, the thrill. Yet all he wanted was a picture of her face. What if Rick saw it? Would he kill Negan? Lily grabbed her hair and groaned in frustration. Negan wanted the photo though and there was a small part of her that desperately wanted to please him. Lily decided she would check the basement. 

Sure enough she found it hidden in one of the drawers with old photos of Rick and Michonne, Judith and even Carl. He didn’t look at all like what she imagined, much more wild, much more young. Lily put the photos down and picked up the camera before taking it into the yard. Nature was on her side today as the sun shone brightly but it wasn’t as hot as it had been the past couple of months, Lily hated the heat with a passion. As she primped herself, running her fingers through her wavy auburn hair she was hit with the realisation that this was the first time in what seemed like forever that she was caring about her appearance. Most of her life she had focused on survival, it was like she was finally living life now. She held the camera up and smiled brightly thinking about how happy he would be with the photo. 

Click! 

She lowered the camera and took out the photograph, waving it in the air and waiting till it showed up clearly. There she was, though she remembered looking much younger and fresh faced. All those minutes wasted trying to get the perfect selfie and now you only had one shot to make an impression, how the world changes. She had no idea if Negan would like it, she hoped he would. She decided to stick it in her pocket until she saw him next. 

*** 

“Well look who it is! Good Morning sweetheart.”, Lily smiled as she heard his voice and walked slowly to his cell. 

“Morning! Did you sleep well?”, She sat down next to the door and began to take the key out to unlock the latch. 

“Nah, I was too excited for my little present. Like a kid on fucking Christmas eve! You did what I told you right?”, Lily nodded and then realised he wouldn’t be able to see it. 

“Yes Sir.”, Lily paused. Sir? Why the fuck did she just say that? Negan just chuckled to himself. 

“Good Girl.”, Lily coughed and tried to ignore what just happened as she opened the latch. She then placed the photograph on the tray and without another word slid it through so he could see it. 

The next few moments were unbearable. Negan didn’t say anything and neither did Lily. She had no idea why she was so worried but the thought of displeasing him made her feel almost sick. 

“Cat got your tongue sweetheart?” 

“No, it just you haven’t said anything!” Negan chuckled again he could tell he was making her squirm. 

“You’re beautiful sweetheart. Though maybe a bit too young for a guy like me.”, Lily straightened up with her eyebrows raised. Was that an insult? She didn’t know how to take it. 

“I’m in my early twenties!” 

“And Rick is like your dad in this place. What? You get off being with a guy old enough to be your father? Got a daddy kink?”, With that Lily punched the door hard enough for a massive bang. She was pissed off. 

“I’m good enough for Darryl.”, she whispered knowing that it would get under his skin. 

“Thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend?”, his tone was getting darker, now he was just as pissed. It made Lily smile. 

“Not yet, but I know he wants me. And maybe I will. He’s a good man, better than you anyway. He doesn’t play games.”, Lily was blown back by the loud bang from the other side of the cell and fell on her back. She crawled away from the cell, scared he would break down the door. 

“Don’t push me. Don’t you dare push me! You are mine, I don’t give a fuck what you say. Even if you do run to him you will always come back to me and if I ever get out of here there won’t be a single fucker that can keep you away. Do you understand?”, Lilys heart was beating fast, she felt the colour drain from her face. This was Negan. The real Negan. Now she understood why everyone was afraid of him. At least there was a large metal door between them, and that gave her a bit of courage. 

“Fuck off you Wanker.”, But Negan just burst into laughter. Lily stood up and in frustration went to leave the cells. 

“You’ll be back sweetheart. Maybe not tomorrow or the day after but you will. You’ll be back when Rick lets you down. You’ll be back when Darryl can’t satisfy you. And when that day comes I will make you beg to get back into my good graces again.”, Lily stopped, feeling tears fall down her face. She had never felt such fear.


	6. Rick Returns

When Rick had finally returned from his week away Lily ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug she could muster, she felt the tears run down her cheeks. It wasn’t even that she missed him that much but she needed someone to talk to. She had felt so alone since the argument between herself and Negan. 

“Hey Hey...”, Rick comforted as he lifted her face to wipe away her tears. “What’s wrong Lil? Is everything okay?”, Lily thought about it for a moment but then decided to not tell him about Negan. 

“I just missed you.”, she buried her face in his chest once again and took comfort in his hand that rubbed up and down her back. 

“Shh, It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” 

*** 

“So has anything interesting happened since we were gone?”, Michonne asked as they all sat down for dinner. Lily shook her head. 

“Nope just the usual. What about you? How was the tour?”, Lily saw Rick freeze up and Michonne rubbed his thigh under the table. 

“It’s not very good. We had to execute some people.”, Lily froze with her mouth open. Rick had never executed anyone in Alexandria, he just seemed too good. It was almost like he was making it up. 

“Did they try and attack you?”, Rick nodded and Lily slumped in her seat, playing with the food on her plate. “What are you going to do?”, Rick and Michonne looked at each other for a moment but didn’t say anything. They obviously had a plan but didn’t want to tell her. Lily was used to it. 

“We’re going to set up training sessions for the communities we know are low risk and then send some forces out to stabilise the situation.”, Lily shot up and smiled. 

“That sounds fun! When can I start?”, Rick grimaced. 

“I would rather you didn’t Lil...”, Her eyebrows rose and she felt her grip tighten around the fork. 

“Why not? You need all the people you can get! I’m a good fighter, you know that!”, Rick sighed and Michonne lowered her eyes. Why would Michonne not stand up for her? 

“I just don’t want you to, there are plenty of other jobs that need to be done.”, Lily groaned. She felt like a teenage girl with overbearing parents when really, she was a survivor in a zombie apocalypse. 

“Fine, I’m going out. Don’t wait up.”, if they were going to treat her like a child then she could throw a strop like one. She never used to do this with her own parents so it felt quite weird but it was needed in this situation, they needed to know how angry she was at the situation. Neither of them said anything when she left. 

*** 

“Hey.”, Lily said as she leaned against Darryl's garage. Darryl jumped up and growled in annoyance. 

“Why the fuck you scaring me like that?”, Lily laughed. 

“Aren’t you meant to be a hunter?”, Darryl smirked. 

“Aren’t you meant to be home?”, Lily groaned and sat down in front of him as he worked on his bike. 

“Why won’t Rick let me train tomorrow? He treats me like a child, it’s like he’s forgotten I was out in the wilderness for the last couple years...”, Darryl sighed and dropped his tools so he was looking at her. 

“He just cares that’s all.”, Lily lowered her gaze. 

“Is this about Carl?”, Darryl seemed taken aback by that question and paused for a moment, he was unsure what he could say. He decided to move on from the conversation. 

“Look, if you want, I could give you some private lessons. Would be hush-hush though...”, Lily’s soft smile turned into a massive grin. That was enough. 

“Oh Darryl! Would you?”, She could tell he was trying to hide a smile as well. 

“Only if ya stop bothering me when I’m working...”, Lily jumped up, laughing, and slammed into him for a hug. He was blown backwards and they made their way onto the ground. Her laughing just got louder and eventually he began to laugh to. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh Darryl Dixon!”, He looked over to her and smiled. 

“Only when you’re around...”, Lily paused and realised the position they were in. Both were lying on the ground facing each other, their arms almost entwined. It seemed almost romantic and there was no one around. 

She thought back to what Michonne and Rick had said before they left, how they told her about Darryl's feelings. She still wasn’t sure on her own feelings towards him but after all that happened with Negan she wanted to forget. But would that be leading Darryl on? The way she saw it she liked Darryl, she could grow to love him and they would be accepted by everyone. Nothing would ever come of a relationship between Lily and Negan. They never would be truly happy. Lily made up her mind and leaned over to kiss Darryl softly. She felt him stiffen, he was obviously uncomfortable but after a while she felt his large rough hands thread through her auburn locks and bring her closer. It ended as quickly as it started, they both stared at each other. 

“I’m sorry...I just-”, he placed his thumb on her lips and stroked softly. 

“Don’t...”, this time Darryl leaned in for the kiss and it would have been perfect had she not been thinking about someone else... 

*** 

“Where the fuck have you been?” Rick shouted as Lily strolled through the door with Darryl. Rick took one look at Darryl and then shook his head. 

“What are you talking about? I was with Darryl! Even if I wasn’t what could I possibly do to make you so angry?”, Rick laughed but it wasn’t one of joy, he looked like a madman. 

“Earlier you told me nothing interesting happened whilst we were gone...Do you care to reiterate that for me?” 

“Yeah! Nothing interesting did happen!”, now she was shouting, she could only assume what the neighbours were thinking about this argument. 

“Rick? What’s going on?”, Darryl asked, Lily looked to him. Of course, he would take Rick’s side... 

“Do you not think it’s interesting that you got a little job whilst we were away?”, Oh shit, Lily thought. He knew. She decided to play it cool. 

“Yeah, so what? It’s a job? Better that I help this community then not? Why are you so mad?”, Rick shook his head and paced around the room. Darryl didn’t know what to say and Michonne was nowhere to be found. 

“What about Negan? You don’t think that’s interesting?”, Darryl stepped back and looked at her almost in disgust. She couldn’t believe this behaviour. 

“No there's nothing interesting about it. I had a job with the kitchens and one of the jobs was to give prisoners their food!”, they didn’t know that but Lily had to get off as lightly as possible. If this was Ricks reaction to her only giving him food she didn’t want to know what it would be for talking to him. 

“Ahh yes, because no one else could do that!”, Lily began to get angry. He was treating her like a child. 

“What does it matter? I was doing a job!”, Rick went over to grab her shoulders and shook her hard. 

“Negan is the matter! He is a bad man! An evil man! He will take any weakness and twist it to become your worst nightmare. He’s dangerous and I don’t want you anywhere near him again do you understand?”, Lily’s anger began to turn into fear. She had never seen Rick get this angry before. It scared her. 

“He never even spoke to me, I just dropped his food off!”, her voice trembled as she tried to justify herself. It was a lie but she needed to calm him down. 

“Lily, shut the fuck up I will hear no more of this!” 

“Fine! Fine...” Tears began to well up in her eyes. “I’m off to bed.”, Lily managed to pry herself from Ricks arms. She needed to remove herself from the situation before she cried in front of him. She reached the stairs before he called out again. 

“Wait...Give me your knife.”, Lily stopped and turned around. 

“What? Why?”, her voice broke and she saw Darryl just stare at her with a mixture of pity and anger on his face. 

“I don’t want you going off disappearing. No training, no runs and no weapons.”, Lily grabbed her knife from her harness and threw it to the ground by his feet. She then stared at him with complete contempt and ran up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh shit is hitting the fan! Thank you all so much for the comments they mean the world to me and keep me motivated!


	7. Eruption

Lily watched out the window to see a large group of people ready to start training and shuddered at the argument between her and Rick last night. Darryl didn’t even try to defend her; his allegiance would always be to Rick before her. Maybe Negan was right? Lily shook her head. She had to try to not think of him, it had only been a day since their fight and she would not give in so easily. She could give Rick some space and he should be fine in a few days. She really did want to go and train though. 

But there were two problems in her way. She had to find a way to train without being caught by Rick and she had to find a weapon to train with. Lily looked outside and concentrated to see if she could find any familiar faces that she could trust. Aha! Carol was one of the leaders judging the sparring. A grin crept up on Lilys face as she slowly and quietly got off the bed to put some clothes on. She decided to wear something that she hadn’t worn in a while to throw Rick off the scent if he got close enough. As she threw on the oversized hoodie she found on a run once she opened the door from her room and slowly made her way down the stairs. She tried to hear for voices but couldn’t hear anything. This was pretty normal though, Rick never came back to the house until the work was done. Michonne was also out, probably helping with the training as well. 

Now she just needed to find a weapon, and she knew exactly where to look. Lily rummaged through the drawers to find a key and smiled when she found it. She then rushed around the side of the house to the basement and ran down the stairs, almost tripping in excitement. She went to the far side and there it was, the baseball bat with barbed wire. She picked it up once more, enjoying how it felt in her hand and swung it with force. 

Yes, this would do, she thought. 

*** 

“I’m here for the training ma’am”, Carol turned around and was shocked at Lilys apperance. It was no secret she was trying to be discrete. 

“Lily what are you doing?”, Lily pressed her finger to her lips and shushed Carol before going closer to her. 

“Please don’t, Rick doesn’t want me training but I need to do this.” Carol paused for a second and then nodded. Carol should understand more than anyone. She knew that everyone needed to be prepared and she seemed to be the only adult in this community that didn’t follow Rick’s overprotectiveness of Lily. She also knew how good a fighter she was. 

“Where’s your knife?”, Lily groaned and looked to the ground. 

“Rick took it from me last night”, Carol looked at her astounded, like she just told her the sky was green. “I know right? So, I had to find the next best thing?” She then swung the bat around her legs and waited for Carols response. Carol looked at the bat, then Lily, then the bat again. 

“Are you sure you wanna train with that?”, Lily nodded, “If Rick finds out he will be pissed.” 

“I would rather Rick be pissed than be dead.”, Carol sighed and then nodded, gesturing Lily to go around the side of the house for a more private lesson. 

*** 

“Well I have to say you are handling the bat like a pro, maybe I’ll have a look for one when I next go out on a run.”, Lily smiled as she swung it around once more, moving swiftly with each motion. 

“Why not this one?” 

“Let’s just say it was down in the basement for a reason...”, Lily shrugged, she enjoyed this bat and she couldn’t imagine using another one. She began to swing it again at imaginary walkers and found the thrill and the air through her hair sent laughter through her body. 

“Lily, what the fuck are you doing?”, Lily stopped suddenly, her heart thudded through her chest. Shit, her hood had fallen down when she was swinging. She turned around to hide the bat and saw Rick and Darryl come closer. 

“Now Rick, Lily is just out with me.”, Carol tried to reason with him but the anger on his face was proof that nothing would be able to calm him. 

“Oh really? Did you force her to come out?”, there was a pause, “because I thought I fucking told you that there would be no training.” 

“Rick you are being unreasonable, she needs to know how to defend herself.” 

“Carol you weren’t there! This isn’t your place!” 

“Excuse me?”, Now Carol was getting angry and suddenly members of the community were beginning to gather, people were even looking out of their houses. 

“No wait! This isn’t Carols fault! It was all my idea, I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her.”, the last thing she wanted was to divide Carol and Rick, they had been together since the beginning. This time Darryl spoke up. 

“What where you training with? Rick took your knife?”, Lily stood back in shock, she hated Darryl not getting involved but she understood it, but taking Ricks side and embarrassing her? Lilys blood began to boil. He was supposed to be on her side, not Ricks. Couldn’t he see how unfair he was being? 

“Does it really matter?” Carol replied and this caused Darryl to glare at her. 

“I wasn’t asking you and yeah it does because it means we have easy access weapons.”, Carol was getting frustrated at how the two men were acting, if they weren't her friends she would have put a gun on them. 

“It wasn’t an easy access weapon, its just this old bat I found downstairs.” Lily drew out the old bat from behind her to show Rick and everyone went silent. No one moved or said anything and that made her uneasy. Slowly she could see the shock transform into rage in Ricks face, even Darryl looked disgusted. 

“How the fuck did you get that?”, Rick shouted. More of a crowd was gathering around them but Rick didn’t care, all he saw was red. 

“The Basement downstairs!”, that wasn’t good enough for Rick. 

“What were you doing there?”, Lily began to feel tears well up in her eyes. She never did well when people shouted at her and now she just felt even worse. 

“I saw it when Darryl made me get the tool box! What’s the matter? It’s just a baseball bat!”, Rick turned around with his hands on his head, he was so frustrated. 

“Like fuck it is! How dare you bring that thing out here?”, Lily took a step back as his stance turned aggressive and decided to turn it back on him. Rick would not talk to her that way. 

“What is your problem?” 

“Give me the fucking bat!”, Rick screamed as he stormed towards her with his hand outstretched but Lily went into the defensive position with the bat above her head, ready to swing. 

“No!”, everyone looked at her in shock. No one threatened Rick like that before and even Rick was speechless. The rage left his face as he calmed himself down. He knew if he stayed angry it would escalate. 

“You will go back into your room right now and you won’t leave till I say so. You will stay there. A guard will make sure of that.”, Lily dropped the bat and took a step back, he was treating her like a child once more. She was over twenty years old. Who did he think he was? 

“What the fuck! Why are you doing this?” 

“I am trying to save you!”, then it all clicked in her head. Negan was right. He was right about everything. Rick wasn’t trying to save her. He was trying to make up for not being able to save Carl. He was projecting his own feelings of failure onto her and it was making both of them mad. She knew that the next thing she would say would make him hurt more than anything in the world but she needed to do it to save herself. She took a deep breath and walked right up to him. She stopped and looked him dead in the eye, then screamed. 

“I’m not Carl!” 

*** 

Lily ran down the stairs, thankful that the guard was either on a break or about to switch over. As she got to the bottom floor she ran to the door and kneeled down, tears streaming down her face. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You were right, you were right about everything...”, there was a pause as she clutched onto the bat in her hands, she felt like she was praying or at least waiting for a prayer to be answered. 

“I know sweetheart. Don’t worry. I’ll look after you.”, all she could do was smile through the tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit! It all kicked off! I have wanted to do that scene between Rick and Lily since I started this piece and now it's finally happened! I know these have been quick updates but honestly I just want to write for this story all the time. I hope you enjoy! I love the comments you have been leaving me. They really make my day!


	8. Set in Motion

“So, where have you been staying since Rick lost his head?”, Lily leaned against the cell door with her eyes shut, soaking up his voice. It was so deep, so dark. She could get lost in it. 

“With Rosie, which means I can continue with my old job. Carol offered but I didn’t want to ruin her friendship with Darryl...”, He made a sound of approval. 

“Rosie is good, she’ll look after you. What's happening with Darryl then?” She could still detect the jealousy in his tone but right now he had nothing to worry about. 

“I don’t want to see him, He would rather be Rick’s bitch then my partner.”, Negan chuckled, every laugh sending shivers down her spine. 

“Well that didn’t take you long to realise.”, Lily frowned, Negan was always right about everything. 

“Well, even though Rosie is letting me stay, Rick refuses to let me leave the compound. He’s always going to have some aspect of control...”, She ran both her hands through her hair in fustration. 

“You know, I always pegged you as the kinda girl to like someone to take control...”. Lily blushed. 

“Well I do...but not Rick...”, there was a large pause, she had no idea what he was thinking about. “What are we doing?”, She sighed. 

“What do you mean?”, Lily groaned and banged her head against the wall. 

“You’re enemy number one! There is no way they could ever let you out...What do we have? Just conversations on different sides of a door...” 

“They’re pretty fucking good conversations to be fair...” 

“Not making me feel any better...” 

“I know sweetheart, but don’t worry too much...I always find a way out...”, Lily nodded though she still knew that wouldn’t happen for a long time. 

“I guess...” 

“Aw shit sweetheart, I can tell you aren't happy with that answer...tell you what...you manage to grab the key from Rick and I will give you the biggest cuddle possible. Would you like that?”, He laughed and she joined in, she knew he was joking. 

But maybe he had an idea. 

*** 

Lily knew that Rick entrusted the keys to Darryl after Negan's demise. It was a test for Darryl to see if he would obey Ricks wishes and surprisingly he did, though for Lily it wasn’t surprising at all. Lily didn’t even hesitate with the plan she set in motion, she needed Negan, to hell with the consequences if she could only see his face. God, she had become a mad-woman. 

As she made her way to Darryls house, she looking around suspiciously. She didn’t want Rick anywhere near the situation when it happened. Darryl was easy enough to control when he didn’t have Rick breathing down his neck. She knocked on the door twice and was shocked to see he was actually in. He was even more shocked to see she was there. 

“Lil?”, She smiled half-heartedly. 

“Hey Darryl, can we talk?”, Darryl looked around the neighbourhood quickly and then nodded, ushering her in as swiftly as possible. 

“What do you wanna talk about?”, he seemed more distant and colder then he usually was. 

“Everything...I never wanted what happened the other day to happen. I hoped you would understand Darryl, you love your freedom, you crave it. So do I. I’m happy here but I can’t be locked up like a bird in a cage.”, He looked down and nodded, good, he understood. “I know I may have done some stupid things but Rick was driving me insane...and it didn’t help when you turned your back on me.”, Darryls eyes shot up. 

“I never did.” 

“Really? That’s how it felt...we kissed and I thought it was something special but then you never took my side...” 

“It’s difficult Lil, I care about you, I do.”, she stepped up towards him. He was taken aback. 

“Then show me...”, She lowered her eyes but looked up at him, her smile turned coy as she gave him the signals he wanted. Without a second thought Darryl grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her hard. Lily closed her eyes imagining it was someone else's hands, someone else's lips. She didn’t dare say his name though. She pulled back and smiled, he looks pleased. 

“Now what?”, his voice was rough and whilst it normally sent waves of pleasure up her spine it was now a mere tingle. 

“Now, you take me on a date!”, His eyebrows were raised. 

“A date?” 

“Yeah though of course most restaurants are closed now.”, he chuckled at her joke. “Maybe you could find some supplies for a nice meal in? I can wait as long as you need me to...”, Darryl smiled and kissed her forehead. 

“I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone for...”, she silenced him with a soft peck on the lips. 

“Surprise me Dixon.”, He smirked and left the room quickly, eager to return to his date. Lily smiled in return though only because she now had time to find the damn key to Negan's cell. 

She rummaged through every draw and cupboard in Darryl's house, for someone who had lived her for a year he didn’t see it fit to unpack. But what could she expect for someone constantly on the road? Darryl wasn’t made for domestication. She then ran upstairs to his room and the bedside cabinet caught her eye. She went towards it and opened the drawer but there was hardly anything there. She then noticed that the drawer looked rather shallow for how deep it seemed on the outside and felt around the edges for a way into the secret compartment. When she found it, she smiled brightly and brought it up with her long nails. Darryl must have used a knife or something as she felt ridges along the side. 

She lifted the secret panel up and looked down to see chain of keys. Shit, she had no idea which were which. She then began to panic, when would she get the opportunity again, she went through each key to if any gave her a clue and was face to face with a big thick metal key that looked like it would fit into the cell door. She turned it over and saw a small N written on it in marker pen and cried out in happiness. She removed it from the chain and placed it underneath her breast in her bra. Darryl would be none the wiser. 

*** 

The night in the end had been eventful though short-lived. They tried to not talk about Rick or the argument they had in front of the community which Lily was grateful for. Darryl could actually be quite sarcastic when he wanted to be which she really enjoyed, she missed that kind of humour. Even though her main aim for the night was to get the key, Lily found herself really loving the night Darryl had planned. It was a shame things couldn’t work between her and Darryl, she had no idea how she would end it but she would enjoy the casual dates while she could. 

Lily went to bad that night clutching the key in her hand, excited to surprise Negan with it and see what lay in store for the future.


	9. Suprises Galore!

Lily paused as she stood in front of the cell door, this was it, the moment they had all been waiting for. She was finally going to see his face, be able to touch him, be able to hold him. It was all she had wanted since she met the man. 

“You okay Darling?”, His voice sent shivers through her spine, she wanted this so bad. 

“Yeah, just sorting out your present...”, she took out the key from her pocket and felt the weight in her hand. 

“A present? Oh boy it's my lucky day! Give it to me!”, he sounded like a child on Christmas and she wanted to please him so badly. She gave one final look to the exit to make sure no one was there and quickly placed the key in the lock and turned, waiting to see the man on the other side. 

She paused as the door swung open to see him sitting on the ground relatively far away, he looked so small and vulnerable, not at all like what she imagined. He had a long scruffy beard and shaggy hair, his hands clasping each other and his eyes were on her. His mouth was opened slightly in surprise, looking at her like she was an angel. After a moment of silence between the two, Negan's expression of shock turned into a wide smile. He stood up slowly and Lily had to re-evaluate everything she just said. He wasn’t small and vulnerable, he was bloody huge. Her head must have reached his shoulders and she could tell he spent most of the time in his cell working out. He may have been scruffy but he was the man she pictured in her head. What a man he was. Lily stepped forward tentatively and he slowly reached his hand out to run his fingers through the auburn curls in her hair. She leaned into his touch and the pupils in his eyes grew larger. He stepped even closer and despite his size and intimidation, she felt safe in his arms. 

“Well look at you. You have been a good girl.”, She blushed at the intensity of his gaze and he laughed softly, enjoying the slight embarrassment at his pet name. He decided that he would strive to always make her blush like that. “I couldn’t see all the little freckles in the picture you took, they’re adorable.” His other hand softly caressed her cheek and she whimpered softly, melting into his touch. “And those eyes, I have never seen such eyes.”, she thought her face couldn’t get any redder but her heart was hammering away and sending blood to the surface. He chuckled but kept her still and steady. 

“Am I okay?”, She asked, desperately seeking his approval but he just smiled, tilting his head to the side and cooed, 

“Oh, Darling. You are everything.”, she smiled softly and caught him staring at her mouth. There was a moment of silence that usually happened before a kiss, where the butterflies in her stomach were at full force and her head went numb, all she could think of was Negan. He pulled her even closer, having control of the entire situation and kissed her gently. Her lips were so soft and his were slightly rougher due to his dehydration but they fit perfectly. Whereas Darryl's kiss had been wild and untamed, Negan was perfectly in control. He knew what he liked and for some reason knew what she liked as well. It was one of the best kisses she had ever had and it wasn’t even passionate. He pulled away slightly and stared at her face, how her lids were slightly lowered and her lips were fuller and more red. She looked as if she were in a daze, he enjoyed it. 

“Oh Sweetheart, look at you. All flushed for me.”, She smiled softly and lowered her eyes but he used his finger to lift her chin back up. “You have been such a good girl, but now it’s time to leave.”, Lily took a step back. The spell was broken. 

“What? Why? Do you know how difficult it was to get the key.”, he stepped forwards with her, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her into him. 

“Oh I’m sure it was sweetheart but your forgetting about the guard outside, we have been like this for too long...” She nodded and he continued, “Plus you need to put the key back now.”, her head snapped back at him. 

“Why?” 

“Because I said so. Let’s just say you aren’t the only person who has been making visits recently.”, She glared at him and he laughed, grabbing her face. 

“Aww darling...don’t look at me like that...there is only you...”, Lily realised he really liked having physical dominance over a person. He was taking every opportunity to touch her, grab her, move her where he wanted. She felt like a doll but it was intoxicating. 

“Okay, I’ll go.”, He smiled and kissed her forehead softly, 

“Such a good girl...”, he then released her, squeezing hard before he let her go. She backed away, walking out the door and locked the cell shut. 

Now she just had to sneak the key back in without Darryl noticing. 

*** 

Overall getting the keys back to their location was easy, Darryl wasn’t in so she just snuck in and managed to quickly put them back. Hopefully it would be that easy every time. Right now, she was in the cafeteria with Rosie, they had managed to have dinner early tonight as everyone was expected in the canteen hall. Rosie was slurping down the stew so fast she had burnt her tongue and Lily almost snorted it up her nose. It had been a good day, she was so excited to see Negan tomorrow to talk about everything. All of a sudden Rick appeared at the top of the canteen's walkways with Darryl and Michonne. Everyone went silent. 

“As you know, we have been having difficulties with many of the communities we are allied with. Things aren't looking good and the last thing I want is for us to be in another war. So, I have come to a decision that may change our situation diplomatically.”, Lilys eyebrows were raised, diplomacy? Rick must seriously be in trouble. Lily looked around to see everyone panicking, why was Rick discussing plans with them? 

“As you know, after our war with The Saviours we managed to capture their leader, Negan. We threw him in a cell and left him to rot.”, Lilys heart began to quicken, where was Rick going with this? 

“But now it seems that Negan might have answers for us, may have a way to help us. So, we have decided to release him in order to help us with peace.”, suddenly there was a frenzy, people began to cry out and Lily was shaking. What was going on? 

“I understand if you are upset or frightened but he will not be able to harm you, he will be handcuffed and escorted around until he earns our trust. If he messes up once I promise you all that he will suffer for it. No second chances. You are to stay away from him and not start any fights, those who disobey will be punished. Do you understand?” There was a moment of silence before everyone conceded. Michonne then opened the door to drag a handcuffed Negan to the crowd and everything went dead silent. You could have heard a pin drop. 

He was exactly as she remembered but cleaner. His hair had been cut and he no longer had a beard. He looked younger but still older than Rick. He was no longer wearing rags but jeans and a white t-shirt. His eyes scanned the crowd until they landed on Lily and a smirk grew on his face. Without hesitation she rushed out the canteen, ready to throw up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a lot easier to love Negan when he is behind a cell door, Lily is going to learn that lesson quickly.


	10. Making it Work

“So...are you gonna eat anything today?”, Lily blinked twice at the bowl in front of her, waking herself from her trance, and looked across the table to Rosie. 

“Sorry, what was that?”, Rosie sighed and rubbed her forehead. 

“Look I know this whole Negan thing has you in a frenzy but you need to eat.”, She pushed Lilys food even further forward and stared her down until she picked up a spoonful of porridge and put it in her mouth. 

“Sorry...and its nothing to do with him. There's nothing going on between us.”, Rosie looked at Lily in disbelief. 

“Uh huh and my husband is still alive.”, Lily looked up at her with a mouth full of food. “Of course, he’s not! If he was you bet I’d shoot him dead again!”, Lily burst into laughter and then immediately winced in pain as it went up her nose. Rosie just laughed. “Damn, where’s a camera when you need one?”, Lily just put her middle finger up at her and washed the porridge down with water. 

*** 

“Hey Lil.”, Lily turned around to see Darryl quickening his pace to catch up with her. 

“Oh, hey Darryl...How’s it going?”, he smiled, not noticing how uncomfortable Lily felt. 

“Pretty good ‘cept I haven’t seen you the last few days. Was wonderin’ if you wanted to come round mine tonight?”, Lily stopped abruptly and blinked, unsure what to say or do, Darryl stopped as well and turned around to face her. His face looked confused, trying to work her out but unable to. 

“Probably not, Rosie has some chores that have kept me busy...”, she didn’t know if he would buy it. Truth was, now that Negan was out she had to be careful where she went in case he saw. She couldn‘t afford for him to get mad again and thrown back into a cell. 

“I can tell her to lighten the load for you, I mean we all gotta work but we gotta live as well...”, Lily smiled. 

“Darryl Dixon, you are telling me to work less? You? You’re the last person I would expect to encourage a social life.”, He looked down and then walked forward till he was right in her face, he then swept her hair out her eyes. 

“Well now I do...now you’re here...”, she looked up at the love and adoration in his eyes and couldn’t find it in herself to push him away when he kissed her. The moment was ruined by a wolf whistle and the couple quickly turned to see Negan staring at them in his handcuffs. Lily felt her heart stop as fear tremored through her body. No one said anything as Negan just stared, looking her up and down with a smirk on his face. This was the first time they saw each other up close. He looked a lot healthier than when he was in the cell. 

“Got yourself a little girlfriend Darryl?”, he drawled, looking between the two. Darryl toughened up his stance to look more aggressive but Negan wasn’t fazed. “Who would have thought it? She must be some special girl to make you soppy.” 

“Get back to work Negan.”, he raised his hand in compliance. 

“Sure, sure. One word of advice though Darryl. If she was my girl I wouldn’t leave her out of my fucking sight! There are a lot of shit people in this community sniffing round girls, had to stop a few myself. If she were my girl, I’d kill anyone that touched her. Best remember that.”, he then walked off after glancing at her again and her ability to breath returned. Darryl touched her arm to reassure her. 

“Hey, it’s okay. He won’t hurt ya. Talks a lot of shit but he can’t do anything anymore.”, Lily wanted to feel reassured but she couldn’t be. Negan just threatened Darryl and he had no idea, Negan just admitted to watching her and she had no idea. 

*** 

Lily scooped another portion of stew into someone's tray, she hated canteen duty but Peter had injured himself in sparring today and was off for a week. She couldn’t believe how shit the world had gotten and people still were assholes to ‘retail’ assistants. I guess that’s what she would call herself now if she had to write a CV, sounded way better than ‘Dinner Lady’ anyway. Her shift had almost ended and she rubbed her eyes before looking at the large clock, unaware of a tall man standing in front of her with his tray out. 

“Anything interesting sweetheart?”, Lily glanced at the man quickly and then nearly fell backwards when she realised it was Negan. “Shit sweetheart, didn’t mean to scare the fucking shit outta you.”, Lily regained her confidence. 

“It’s okay...Just weird seeing you around that’s all...”, she looked to her left and saw there was no one left in the queue. Most people had eaten and gone home by now. 

“I thought you’d be happy about it...haven’t been able to talk properly in a while...”, he said softly so none of the guards would hear him. 

“Yeah well, it would be a bit suspicious if we acted like we knew each other the moment you were released.”, that wasn’t the reason she hadn’t spoken to him but she couldn’t let him know how afraid she was. 

“I guess so...but then I saw you with Darryl the other day.”, She swore in her head. She knew he would bring this up. She tried to play it cool but failed miserably. 

“Yeah I remember...” 

“I thought I told you to stop everything with him...”, yep, she thought, he was pissed. 

“It’s a lot harder than you think.”, he cut her off. 

“No, it’s not.”, there was a moment of silence and he sighed, shaking his head. “Look, I can’t get to know you while he’s around. You break it off with him and we can try and make this work. Deal?”, she looked up at him, knowing she had to make her mind up now. She picked up a ladle of stew and threw it into his bowl. 

“Fine. Deal.”


	11. Crossroads

Lily wandered around Alexandria trying to find Darryl. After thinking it all over last night she decided that ending it now would be the best thing to do. It would be hard, mostly because Darryl was such a lovely guy, but she had to do it for both of their sakes. However, it seemed that when she actually needed to find him, he was impossible to detect. It was even more difficult when people were commenting on them as a couple. 

“I’m so happy for you too.” 

“I saw you two the other day! He’s very handsome!” 

All of these comments just made Lily feel so much worse about herself but she couldn’t allow herself to be pressured into staying with Darryl because that is what everyone wanted. 

“Gabriel! Have you seen Darryl?”, Father Gabriel turned around by the church to face her and smiled. She always found Gabriel incredibly creepy and tried to keep away from him as much as possible but he was good at people watching. 

“Yes, he went to see Carol.”, Lily smiled and nodded her head in thanks before turning away. “Wait!”, Lily stopped with a silent groan and turned around, a fake smile plastered on her face. 

“What is it Gabriel?”, He climbed down the steps of the chapel and placed a hand on her arm. It was meant to be comforting but she felt creeped out all the same. 

“I don’t think I have ever seen you come to the church before. I feel like you have a lot of demons within you. Maybe it's time for you to accept God’s help and come this Sunday?”, Lily grimaced and stepped backwards. 

“Sorry Gabriel but I’m not religious, never have been and never will be. In fact, this whole mess just proves my point really!” 

“What mess? You are alive, aren't you? You live in a community, don’t you? God saved you!” 

“No, he didn’t Gabriel, I saved myself. I found this place by myself. Give me some credit for that!” 

“Oh child. You are lost.” 

“No, I’m not! You’re lost! So lost that you cuddle that book every night before you go to sleep because you can't find any other way to cope. You tell yourself that you’re special every single night because God saved you. You. Out of all people. You think it will help ease the pain but it doesn’t. You aren't special. Did God save all the people still alive? Are they all special? The cannibals and murderers and rapists? Does God believe they are worthier than those we have lost? You can't have it both ways. So, no Gabriel. No, I won't be attending your stupid ceremony!”, after her long rant Lily was left panting on the doorstep of the church almost in tears. Gabriel looked at her with shame but also pity then turned to look slightly to the left of her. Lily noticed this and turned around to see Darryl staring. 

“You okay?”, he asked and Lily ran up to hug him tightly. She just wanted Gabriel to go away. “Come on, let's get you out of here.” 

*** 

“I’ve just never really been good with religion. It hurt a lot of my friends and family growing up. All the while it promised hope and salvation, they never got any. Do you believe?”, She turned to Darryl as they sat by the bank of a small lake. 

“Nah not really. Dad used to go on about it but if anyone were to end up in hell would ‘ave been him.”, Darryl was chewing on a piece of grass, he looked just like a stereotypical red-neck. 

“Isn’t it always the way...”, they were silent for a moment. 

“Darryl, I need to talk to you about something...” 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s about us.” 

“What about us?” 

“Look, you have always been kind to me and I don’t know how long you actually have had feelings for me but it's still new to me. I’ve been loving just getting to know each other but I really think I need...” 

“Hey you two!”, Lily stopped and turned around to see Rick walking towards them. Lily groaned, Rick had the worst timing ever. She was also slightly nervous about the whole situation between them two, they hadn't had a proper conversation since their argument. 

“Rick. What’s up?” Darryl said, raising his arm and grabbing Ricks in some weird masculine hand-shake hug hybrid. Lily never understood what was wrong with a simple hug. 

“I need to talk to Lily if that’s alright with you.”, Lily raised her eyebrow, actually she was pretty busy talking to Darryl. 

“Sure, that’s fine.”, Lily grimaced. Oh, how she longed for the day when no man would talk for her. Darryl then leaned over to kiss her cheek and left without a word. Rick then sat down where Darryl was, staring out over the lake. 

“Just don’t say anything until I’ve finished okay?”, Lily nodded hesitantly and Rick took a huge breath. “Look, I’m really sorry for my behaviour with you the past few months since you’ve been here. Before you arrived, I lost my son to a walker, he was trying to save someone. He did but it cost him his life. He was the last bit of my life from a time before this whole apocalypse happened. I have nothing left to remind me of what the world used to be, I’ve lost it all. It changed me. When you came I saw someone who although had suffered loss was still bright and young and full of life and laughter. I thought that by keeping that close and making sure you were safe I would be able to not only save your life but also save mine. I tried to control you and, in the end, I made you unhappy and for that I’m sorry. But I’ve had time to think about things and I know you are more than capable to contribute to our community.”, Lily smiled and leaned into Rick to give him a hug. He paused for a moment, unsure of how to react, but then reciprocated it. They stayed like that for a while until Lily pulled away. 

“Thank you, Rick, I forgive you. I’m sorry for how I acted when I shouted at you in public.” 

“No, don’t worry about that. I needed to hear the truth of what a shit I was.”, Lily laughed and Rick chuckled too. They stared out at the river for a moment. 

“I have a job for you.”, Lily turned around with a smile on her face. She couldn’t wait to go outside the borders. 

“I need you to keep an eye on Negan.”, Lilys smile dropped and Rick noticed it. “I know that you two used to talk in the prison cells. I don’t know what about but I trust you not to make any stupid mistakes with a man as dangerous as him. He trusts you, he likes you. I want you to get closer to him. Find out what he’s thinking and what his plans are. Go with it all. Tell me everything in the meantime. Leave nothing out.” 

“But...” 

“No buts. You are a member of this community. One of its finest. If you agree you will have all your privileges back, you can go out as many times as you want and you won't have to hide your friendship with him. I’m not asking you to betray him. I’m asking you not to betray Alexandria.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from a short break with all the ten upcoming chapters planned! Let's get this show back on the road!


	12. What the Heart wants

Children ran around the square laughing as the smell of roasting meat and cake filled the air. Lily wandered around in awe as everyone celebrated another year being free from the Sanctuary. It was never an official celebration but someone had made a note of the date and each year it became bigger and better than before. People would often stop work early and there was a huge feast with music and dancing. It was almost like the fourth of July and for Lily it would be her first ever Independence Day. Everyone was smiling and jolly it was almost as if the world was back to normal, though maybe a couple decades in the past. 

“Hey Judith!”, Lily called as she saw her running around with Michonne close by. Judith ran up to Lily with a giant smile on her face, Judith didn’t speak much but she was incredibly cheeky and loved by everyone in Alexandria. 

“Hey Lily, how is everything? I heard you and Rick sorted things out?”, Michonne picked up Judith who was getting dirt all over her little dress and Lily brushed the hair out of her eyes. 

“Yeah we did. I’m glad we did. He was like a father figure when I got here...”, Lily was slightly sad she no longer had that connection with the Grimes household but at least she had her freedom back. 

“Yeah I mean you should come over sometime, it would be nice to have one of our dinners again.”, Michonne smiled, they had been really close at one point in their lives, would they be able to rekindle it again? Lily had no clue. Although Michonne was still badass and went out on runs it was becoming less common and she was seen as more of a matriarch these days. She seemed happier though, at least that’s what a lot of people around Lily said. 

“Sure, maybe when everything has calmed down!”, they both smiled in agreement and Michonne put Judith down as she nudged Michonne to let her go play. For a child brought up in an apocalypse, she was still so sweet and innocent. 

“They get better every year, don’t they?” Michonne stated as she looked around at all the banners and flags being put up. 

“Yeah, well I mean it’s my first one but I’ve heard they are amazing.”, Michonne nodded. 

“It feels like you’ve been here longer than that...”, Lily blushed at the compliment and smiled. Michonne turned to her, “An Alexandrian always!”, she lifted up an invisible drink to cheers and Lily did the same. 

*** 

As the night began to fall everything became more vibrant and louder, lanterns had been made by the children and everywhere was lit up with candles. It was amazing what party equipment was left after the apocalypse. Couples were dancing around a huge bonfire as children and adults alike ate sugary foods that Rosie had managed to rustle up. Her apple bakes were to die for but Lily missed chocolate more than anything. Lily watched it all, took in the excitement and glee that had been deprived of her for so long. Americans knew how to party well. 

“You alright?”, Lily jumped in surprise and turned around to see Darryl. She noticed he was wearing different clothes and smirked. 

“Shit you scared the crap out of me! What's with the new outfit? Not like we are celebrating or anything!”, Darryl smiled though he seemed more awkward than usual. Lily thought he was just uneasy about the party that was going on, he always preferred to be alone. 

“Nah it’s nothing...”, there was an awkward pause that came between the two and Lily debated whether or not to tell him she wanted to end things. On the one hand they were finally alone and could talk to one another but on the other hand it was the one festival they had a year and she didn’t want to spoil everything. 

“I got something for you...”, Darryl said after a while and reached into his bag to get a small tub of some kind. Lily smiled and brought it towards the light. It was a small tub of hot cocoa powder! Within a few seconds she had a large grin on her face and ran to give him a hug. 

“Oh my god Darryl! Where did you find this?”, He smiled. 

“I’ve been looking for ages on the hunt, I know you used to go on and on about the stuff and most chocolate is either gone or bad so I thought this may help.”, Lily looked up and smiled in amazement. “You can use water or milk if there is any.” 

“Darryl...thank you...”, there was another pause and she stared at the old tub and read the packaging. It was the best present she had received in a long time. 

“I love you.”, Lily looked up and her heart dropped at that statement. Darryl however just continued to look at the bonfire in front of him. “I want us to be together, properly like you said the other day. Like Carol and Ezekiel. Like Rick and Michonne.”, he then turned to stare at me as he poured his heart out. “I should’a told you before but I got scared, I’ve lost too many people I don’t wanna lose you too...Rick convinced me to tell you though before it was too late. I know you have been feeling kinda distant.” 

“Darryl...” 

“No lemme finish...”, He took a breath of fresh air and continued. “I know I can be difficult and I’m sorry but I’m willing to do anything to make it work. Will you?”, Lily paused for a moment. 

“Will I what?” 

“You know...I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine...”, Lily stopped, she knew what he was asking, it was almost too much like a proposal and she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t say yes knowing she was with Negan. She couldn’t say no because deep down she still cared for him and didn’t want to hurt him. He would know something was up, he would find out everything. Her heart began to race and tears began to form in her eyes. 

“Darryl...I don’t know...I’m scared. I need to think. I’m sorry.”, with that she ran off and thankfully he didn’t run after her. She’s not sure what she would have done if he did. She stopped behind one of the houses and cried deeply. She felt like her heart was being ripped in two. He just confessed his love to her and she ran away. She was a monster. Lily slumped to the ground and cried, the tub of hot cocoa still in her hand. 

“And I thought I was having a shit night...”, Lily looked up to see Negan staring down at her, a drink in his hand. 

“Go away Negan...” 

“Woah! What the fuck is going on here? I sure as hell ain’t going now.”, Lily stopped crying and rubbed her eyes with her sleeve. “What’s the matter Darling? I hate seeing you cry...”, he slumped down next to her and pulled her into his side. 

“It’s nothing, I’m just missing home...”, Lily lied, luckily she was a pretty good liar so Negan didn’t question it, though she had no idea whether he knew she was lying. 

“Yeah well trying being part of a celebration that’s celebrating your fucking downfall and prison sentence.” Negan took another swig of his drink and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “Managed to rustle up this bad boy to drown my sorrows. Of course, your poison is...”, he lifted up the tub in her hand and smirked, “Hot cocoa, aren’t you a little sweetheart.”, Lilys heart slumped down even deeper. “Do you want me to put on a fire, wrap you in a blanket, make you some hot cocoa with marshmallows and watch a Disney movie?”, Lily glared at him but in all honesty, it sounded like a perfect evening. She didn’t say anything and Negan took it as an invitation to continue. 

“You know, we haven't been this alone in quite some time...”, his voice sent shivers down her spine and she felt her skin prickle. He leant in closer to whisper in her ear, “I think we should take advantage of this little situation.”, he waited for her reaction but she gave him nothing. He scowled before grabbing her by the waist and hoisting her on his lap. She yelped in surprise but it didn’t hurt, in fact she quite enjoyed being manhandled by him. 

“Now I got a little girl who is all upset and I need to do something about it.” He lifted her chin up to look at him. “What can Daddy do to make you feel better?”, Lilys heart froze as the blood rushed to her cheeks. Negan just leant back on the wall and smirked.


	13. Revealing

Lily looked at Negan for a moment before making her decision. She grabbed him quickly by the shirt and pulled him closer for a kiss. It was hard and passionate, he wrapped his arms around her middle to bring her even closer and they forgot everything around them except each other. Negan pulled back to look at her face before running his fingers through her hair and pulling her back in. Lily’s hands ran down his chest, feeling the contours of his body, trying to imagine what he could possibly look like underneath and Negan began to feel the exact same way. 

When Negan grabbed Lily’s hips and began to roll them into his own a moan caught in her mouth, she could feel how big he was, how excited he was, and it made her temperature sky rocket. She clung on tighter as if he was going to disappear any second and let him continue rocking his hips. His hands moved higher to reach for her breasts, but they were cut off by a gunshot. 

“Shit! What the fuck was that?”, Negan shouted and grabbed Lily’s arm to pull her up, shielding her behind him. 

“I don’t know!”, Lily panted, still feeling hot from their rendezvous. A few more gunshots were heard, and Lily went to run out from the back of the house to find out what was happening, but Negan pulled her back. 

“What the fuck are you doing? People have guns and you’re fucking unarmed! Unless you wanna bludgeon them with your hot cocoa?”, Lily stared at him but then nodded. He was right. If someone was attacking Alexandria, running in without a weapon was a suicide mission. 

“Ricks house is right there, he has loads of things we can use!”, Negan nodded and the two of them ran towards Ricks house from behind the buildings. Lily managed to open the back door easily, People in Alexandria never locked their doors. Stealing never happened there. Lily then made her way down the stairs towards the basement and lit the candle by the door. Negan looked around, rummaging through the drawers finding various knives and screwdrivers. He then turned around and a large smile graced his face as he saw Lily pick up his beloved Lucille.

“Oh ho! There you are my beauty!”, he walked towards the bat and took it from her fingers, kissing it gently, even though it was wrapped in barbed wire. 

“Uhh What are you doing? That’s my bat!”, Negan paused and stared at Lucille and then Lily before laughing loudly.

“Sorry Darling, she was mine first...”, Lily paused and saw how he held her, the bat did belong to him, he held it like an extension of his arm. That was why Rick was so angry about her having the bat, that was why Carol warned her about using it. 

“Oh…”, Negan frowned then pulled her closer to kiss her forehead.

“Don’t worry Darling, we will find you something nice.”, Lily turned around to grab an old cane with a metal curved handle. She waved it around, feeling its weight and decided it would do. “Practical and classy… I know how to pick ‘em”, Negan winked and then offered his hand back up the stairs to knock a few heads in. 

***

“Holy Shit!” Negan cried as he saw a small group of walkers stumble towards them. 

“What the fuck happened?”, Lily cried as she prepared herself to attack. 

“I’m guessing an attack, I notice a couple of these fuckers, they’re fresh.”, Lily grimaced as she recognised some other faces too. One of them was a farmer she saw on her way to work and another was an old man she once spotted in the cafeteria. 

Negan went straight into the fray and Lily felt her heart stop. He looked so majestic, this was Negan, the real Negan. Now she could see him in the flesh. She followed him into the group with her cane raised and smashed it onto the head of the old man. The cane caught however into his skull and even with all her strength she couldn’t pull it out. She felt another walker coming closer to her and at the last minute ducked out the way so it fell into the other Walker. Lily fell on the floor and rolled out of the way but was caught by another walker that fell on top of her. She could feel the walkers breath on her cheek and she screamed as she felt its teeth getting closer and closer to her neck. 

“NEGAN!”, she cried out and closed her eyes in hope that if the end did come it would be quick and painless. 

“Get the fuck off her you fucking piece of crap!”, Negan shouted as he smash the walker above her to her side and then continued to bash his skull in until it was a red mess all over the floor, and consequently, all over her. She quickly sat up and looked around to see the other walkers with their brains splattered all over the floor. She looked up at him in all of his glory, standing with his hips jutted out, the bat all bloodied in his hand. He reached his hand out to her and she grabbed it quickly, pushing herself up and then grabbing his face to kiss him hard. He dropped Lucille and kissed her back, roughly pulling her hips into his. When they separated, she smiled up at him and he wiped a drop of blood off her cheek. 

Lily then turned to the side and her heart stopped. Darryl was standing there, staring at them, a knife in his hand and heartbreak written all over his face. Negan followed her gaze and looked towards Darryl. Lily saw Darryl’s face turn from shock to sadness to anger in a split second. When he began to stalk forward she immediately jumped in front of Negan. 

“Darryl stop, this is my fault, I’m sorry…”

“Get out of my fucking way Lil!”, Darryl went to push her to the ground but Negan grabbed his wrist and pushed him away from her. 

“Now don’t you push my fucking girl Darryl.”, this seemed to make Darryl even angrier however as he charged towards Negan with his knife drawn. 

“She’s not yours!”, Negan managed to block every attack that Darryl made and when Lily tried to interfere Negan pushed her far back into the ground. 

“Don’t worry Lil, he’ll get the idea in his thick fucking head sooner or later that you are mine, that you were always mine, that you will always fucking be mine!”, Darryl went for the kill this time but everyone stopped when a shotgun was fired. Both men turned around to see Rick and the whole community staring at them. 

“What the fuck is going on?!”


	14. Loyalty

“Now, we are gonna sit down and have a proper discussion about all of this.”, Rick stated as he was the last one to sit down to the table. On his left was Darryl and on his right were Lily and Negan. Rick knew that this wasn’t going to go down well. 

“There’s nothing to discuss.” Negan replied, but his eyes didn’t leave Darryl. The two had hated each other for such a long time and it was never more evident as now. 

“Bullshit.”, Darryl retorted with his arms crosses. Rick sighed and looked across to Lily whose face looked down into her lap. 

“Lil,”, Lily looked up at the old and familiar nickname. “What happened?”, Lily thought for a moment and took a deep breath before answering. 

“When the attacks started happening I was with Negan, we were drinking and heard the gunshots.”, Lily felt Negan’s eyes on her immediately as she relayed the false information. “We went to try and help but needed weapons so went to your basement. We tried to take some out and one almost killed me but Negan saved my life. I was caught up in the moment and I kissed him.”, Lily then looked up at Darryl, tears filling her eyes. “I’m sorry Darryl.”, Lily felt the heat and anger emanating from Negan at her lies , he wanted nothing more than to tell everyone the truth. That she was with him, that she belonged to him, but if she did then Darryl would have been ready to attack. 

“You don’t just kiss someone you don’t like Lil!”, Darryl shouted, standing up quickly but Rick pressed a hand to his shoulder to push him back down. 

“I know. I like Negan, we’re friends, I would be lying if I didn’t find him attractive. I just got scared about the whole commitment thing and he was there to talk to.”

“and here I thought you had feelings for me Darl.”, Negan stated, looking straight into her eyes. He was feigning confidence and sarcasm, but she could see he was hurt and angry. She would have to deal with him later. 

“How could she ever have feelings for you? You don’t even have a heart. You’re an evil bastard who don’t love no one.”, Darryl growled, pointing his finger at Negan but Negan just watched him. His eyes were expressionless. 

“Negans changing.”, Lily tried to say but Darryl cut her off. 

“No he fucking ain’t Lil! I know you see the good in everyone but there ain’t none in him! You never knew him when he was out there slaughtering us, torturing me! He stalked us and ruined us for months. If he’s changed its because he has some sort of plan to get out or kill us.”, Darryl was panting through anger, he looked like a wild animal and Lily felt tears fall down her cheek. 

“Darryl listen…”

“No! He’s using you! Probably just wants to get into your pants and move onto the next naïve girl that comes along.”, Not once did Negan step in as Darryl shouted at her for the next few minutes. Not once did he retort when Darryl threatened him. They both understood that Darryl need time to get this out of his system. 

When Rick called the meeting off, Negan got up quietly and walked out. Lily, with tears running down her eyes went next and Rick left after placing a hand on Darryl’s shoulder. As Lily closed the door she heard Darryl screaming as he threw furniture over and onto the cold, hard floor. 

***

“He’s an attractive guy?”, Negan barked as he laughed against one of the Alexandria houses. 

“Shut up.”, Lily said as she looked away from Negan to the sky.

“No I’m not, not when your spouting crap like ‘It happened in the moment.’ Bullshit.”, Lily glared at him as he walked over to her. She could see he was joking but there was an underlayer of aggressiveness built into it as well. 

“The kiss did happen in the moment!”

“But we didn’t! We’ve been at this for a while and you’re still stringing him along, and as much as I love seeing him in that much pain, I do feel for the guy a bit.”, Lily’s sadness grew into anger quickly at his statement. 

“I’m not leading him on!”

“You didn’t break it off with him though did you?”, that shut Lily up. “After I specifically told you to.”

“I tried!”

“Tried isn’t good enough sweetheart!”

“Fuck you!”, Lily cried as she went to walk away from him but he refused to let her get away. He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back in. 

“Oh Darling, all you had to do was ask.”, with that he grabbed her by the jaw and pulled her to him harshly. His lips attacked her own in a kiss of passion and aggression. Lily tried to pull away but Negan stayed firm and moved her so that her back was against a wall. After a while she conceded and began to kiss him back, threading her fingers through his hair. They both split up at the sound of a forced cough. They turned to their left to see Rick staring at both of them. He didn’t look surprised but Lily still felt the redness grow in her cheeks. Negan smirked and kissed the top of her head before releasing her from his tight grip and walking away, whistling whilst he did so. 

“Rick I can explain…”, but Rick held up his hand.

“No need to. I figured it out a while ago as you may recall.”, Lily nodded in embarrassment. “Just leave Darryl out of it. He doesn’t deserve to be hurt again.”

“I promise, it’s just hard. I don’t want to hurt him.”, Rick nodded.

“I know.”, there was a pause between the two. Lily had never felt so vulnerable. “Lily listen, I mentioned this the other day but I need to get it into your head and I’m not sure it is.”, Lily raised her eyebrow and Rick sighed. “I’m your leader. I tell you what is right and wrong, I tell you what your job is and I expect loyalty. I know you may think I’m taking this Negan thing way out of line but everything Darryl said is true. Negan is looking for a way out which is why I need him on a short leash. Which is why I am allowing you two to be together.”, Lily looked at Rick in shock. He really was using her as a pawn. “I need Negan close. I need him to want to stay in Alexandria and if he is serious about you then he will do exactly as I say, as long as you do exactly as I say.”

“You know I’m loyal to you, to Alexandria.”, Lily tried to say but Rick cut her off. 

“I know, which is why you are going to prove it to me. I want weekly reports on what Negan says and does.”, Lily felt her heart stop. She would be betraying Negan if she did that.

“I can’t spy on him though…It wouldn’t feel right…”

“Would you feel any better if your silence created a rebellion? A massacre?”, Lily shook her head, trying to get the images out of them.

“Negan wouldn’t…”

“Yes he would. You just haven’t seen that side of him yet. Promise me and I’ll let you be together, no other strings attached.”, Lily paused for a moment and looked around in case anyone was watching. 

“Fine, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I havent updated in a while! Been sorting out being back at Uni! Also sorry if this chapter isn't up to par as it usually is!

**Author's Note:**

> Woah this is my first attempt at Walking Dead fiction! I hope you like it!


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